♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you

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This seems to be the most common post thoughout the history of my diaryland entries. Steve. Why is it he is on my mind so much over the past year? I know I've been frustrated in my relationship, but that can't fully explain my preoccupation or never ending lust for Steve. Maybe it's because I can see him succeeding, and that is very attractive. But there are others who are successful who I have a better and less dramatic past with. Yet he is always at the forefront of my mind lately. To be slight explicit... While I was with my boyfriend yesterday, I was picturing Steve, but it wasn't very good because I was my current was being too loving. I figured if I ever got together with Steve again it would be more primal and raw passion, rather than loving. I felt bad for J because he was obviously trying for longer than usual but I just wasn't responding to him.
I wish I could just leave him behind I my past, where he belongs. It's like someone needs to hypnotize me, or slap me repeatedly, to break the habit of thinking about him or comparing him. He lives in another country, thousands of miles away. Chances are I will never see him again. Do why can't I come to terms with that? Why dream about the day we reunite? The dream is so much better than what it would be if it was a reality. It'd all end in a ball of flames, and somewhere off to the side would be me, burned and scorned once again.

3:26 p.m. - 2012-11-18

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