♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
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For days now, my head has been pounding. I've always had headaches, associated them with having little sleep. How do I make the pounding in my head go away? I hold me hands against the side of my head as hard as I can, to the point where I feel like I could crush my own skull, and it's only then, the pounding goes away. When I lay down, the throbbing in my temples intensifies and I am left with blurry eyes and my hands at the side of my head. I take Tylenol.
It terrifies me that I me that I am one day going to have to explain this to someone I care for. That I cannot drive well at night due to bright headlights triggering my eyes, my headaches, the fact that some days I feel nausiated. One day, I will have to divulge this information to someone, so when it happens, they will know what to do for me.
J is a fantastic person. We saw eachother on Sunday and spent almost 7 hours together. For me, that's amazing out side of spending it with my best friend. Here's the thing though; we've gone out a couple times, had a great time, a lot of laughs, and some wonderful conversations... however. I still see that he is going online to scope out who is out there. It makes me wonder. What is an acceptable time range to allow this to keep happening without saying something? I mean, I am not the possesive type, but I don't neccessarily enjoy having him look past me either. To me it says, "your good, but is there better?" I'm trying to let this slide without thinking about it too much, but like tonight for instance, I came home, logged on the computer, and wondered if he had looked online. Sure enough, I realized that when he and I had been talking earlier in the evening, he had logged on and checked his online mail. It's portraying that he isn't satisfied with me.
I know that if I don't say anything, it will eat me alive, because I am really enjoying his company. I've even mentioned him to my parents, which is HUGE for me. He's mentioned me to his parents and we've gone out a couple times, I've been to his place. If I bring it up and it's too early, I risk losing him. I wish I had perspective on this.
On another note. I ate way too much candy this week. I think I ate somewhere becasue 50-70 pieces of candy SO FAR this week. Also, I've had pizza, had dinner out... it's all been very gross and riduculous.
We have a coyote hanging around our house lately. I chased it around the block a couple times today with my Jeep. I don't want it around because I of course, fear for my cat. I'm thinking about taking out the air rifle and sitting on my back porch with it tomorrow, take a couple shots at it. I feel like a redneck, yes. But I wouldn't kill it, I wouldn't even hit it. I would just shoot by it and try to scare it away. I don't need it eating my cat.
My dad's girlfriend moved in full time last week. It is certainly going to be interesting. I can't find anything in this house whatsoever. I can't find soup, hot chocolate... even the apples have moved. I'm sure once she is all settled in we will find it slows down, but right now, I'm going a little crazy.
1:06 a.m. - 2006-11-01
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