♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - People are sick. When I reflect on this past year and a half it makes me wonder how I've lasted this I have been molested, watched, fired, hated, cried, kicked out, kicked, yelled at, and under-appreciated. I was driving home from watching a movie with my mom tonight. I realized that I dont live there anymore. It feels familiar, but my basement is more home. We watched North Country, and it made me remember the atrocious night when I was molested. When I was kicked in the face. Everything that is bad that has happened to me came flooding back with vengence. I don't know how I've held together as well as I have. My whole body wants to give in and collapse. Is wants to cave in on itself and not have to function. My muscles ache and my head is throbbing. I want to turn and hit someone or something, but the act of agression won't take this away. I think: how am I ever going to be in a functioning relationship when I can't let go of the past? How can I guide others in my profession when I can't live my own life. I feel like there is a string that leads me through this course. I wish I had a bottle of tequila. My head might not hurt until tomorrow. Why did he have to pick me? I have never figured that out. I have never once came to a rational conclusion on why that mother fucker picked me. I don't have a day go by when I don't think about that asshole and it makes nothing okay. Nothing innocent or sincere takes away the hurt or the pain. 12:12 a.m. - 2006-10-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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