♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
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They say men use the right side of their brain more than the left side. That women use their left side of their brain more than their right. The right side is logical, the left is emotional. I can agree with that, I've made some poor decisions based solely on my emotional reaction to that object/person.
I tried so hard to forget him. I erased him, ripped everything apart, I went so far as to make a fucking pro and con list!! weighing in on the cons of course, to convince myself that there is no reason for me to still have these feelings for him.
The left side prevails.
After a little too much red wine with Kim Saturday night, I pick up my phone, and as if on auto-pilot, I send him a text message.
STUPID STUPID STUPID GIRL!!
I wake up Sunday morning, sure enough I recall the simple, elegant to the point msg I had sent him late the night before. Now what do I do? Check my phone, a million times a day, just in case he has replied.
STUPID STUPID STUPID GIRL!!
Anyway, I'll beat my head against a wall later... now though, I might as well give a bit of an update on other factors in my life.
I've been doing really well with my eating. I've re-discovered cooking, and I've gained about 6 pounds back. I'm still going to the gym, but I'm seeing a trainer, and she's helping me gain a bit more muscle back, rather than stay long and lean. I'm feeling pretty good, and I'm recieving a lot of flattering compliments, which is helping me stay on track. There are still times when I'll look at a picture, and admire how thin and beautiful some of those women are, but remind myself I am stronger than them.
I leave on thursday to go away for a week. Thank the Lord! I really can use the time away, maybe laying on a chair reading a book well be an awakening period for me. Maybe socializing with someone outside of my mini group will be a kick in my ass to get out there and meet new people again. I did it once, I can do it again!
Work is going pretty well. I'm spending a lot of time here, and some days I think I am going to lose my mind... but at the end of the day I go home feeling pretty good about myself.
Tomorrow I have a doctors appt, I have to talk to him about all the weird dreams I'm having. Their so vivid and bizarre. Also I think I'm going to have to raise my dose on anti-depressants. I just think I could be doing a lot better than I am. I know a lot of it has nothing to do with the meds that I'm on, and I have to change my way of thinking. Sometimes just having something to help you along the way doesn't hurt though. I guess I'll see what he has to say tomorrow though.
Anyway, back to work. Sigh.
2:01 p.m. - 2006-02-20
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