♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
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am i ready to put myself out there, on the front line, and risk losing everything that makes me, well, me? or do i want to stay the person i am and possibly lose out on something that could make me infinately happy?
kim proposed that question to me last night as we're talking about steve. i've always skirted from relationships before they get to heavy because i'm afraid to be committed. with the way my family is, a) i'm afraid we don't have a very good track record b)i don't know how to commit.
i quit all my sports, playing the piano, i hardly have any friends from when i was little. the list goes on and on. it frightens me to be honest.
however, i'm frightened more about putting myself out there for steve and then ending up so hurt and lost i can't find myself again. it sounds so naive.
he respects my opinion, wants my opinion on a multitude of things, thinks i'm beautiful and repeats my own words "wonderfully odd". yet, i hold him at an arms distance. we were watching the eternal sun of a spotless mind, and he asked me when he moved if i would visit him. he would live closer to me if he moved to the location he is thinking of. of course i'd visit him.
i don't wake up in the morning and think it's another day in this relationship. i wake up, and i am afraid. afraid of the hurt that may be bestowed upon me, afraid of what i may so to hurt him. it's ridiculous on so many levels, yet i can't shake this feeling.
why am i so scared to be loved?
7:42 p.m. - 2006-01-24
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