♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
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so i guess things aren't terribly bad right now, i was hired as a receptionist for a private college and so now i'm working almost fulltime hours and i'm making more money. not only that since i'm not doing a sales job it is one of those places where i actually make money instead of spending my money on all the useless crap inside the stores that i work at.
not only that, things between steve and i are going well. we're still not at the point that i'd like us to be at but we're doing well. i went to his xmas party last friday night and had quite a few drinks then stayed at his house and that was fun, we stayed up half the night and then went out for breakfast the next morning before we both had to go to work. but at the same time he doesn't want to be in a relationship which mike thinks means that he wants to see other people besides for me. i don't think that i can handle that. i'm quite girly that way, either i want to be with him or else i don't. i don't want to partially be with him while he with other people.
then i think to myself, hey, i might be leaving the country so why do i even give a fuck what he does. we already had our moment why can't i just keep my peace, not open my big mouth and carry on with my merry life? instead, this is what is going to happen. i'll talk about this ambiguous stage that we're in right now and then all of a sudden he's going to say that we should not see eachother as friends or as anything else, stand up from where ever we are and then leave. i can just picture that happening, and then he'll think that i'm all emotional and shit. maybe i am too emotional. i don't know. what i do know is that i'm over analyzing this situation and i should just stop while i'm ahead. i'm sure that i'll figure it out eventually, and therefore it's time for another topic.
xmas is coming up. robbie is leaving on xmas day for his vacation leaving me with our family by myself. i don't know how this xmas is going to turn out, it is either going to be quite fun or it is goinkg to be a complete disaster. hopefully it will be the first.
anyway, i guess i should start closing down the office and figuring out what exactly it is i should be doing here.
7:42 p.m. - 2005-12-13
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