♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you

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Seriously... I mean, SERIOUSLY!

so here's my rant of the day, though i think i have about 10 in me right now.

about a month ago my friend Sc invited me to his place in the states for the july 4th weekend. there's going to be tons of people there, he has a place on the lake, and not to mention that he's leaving the country for two years in about 2 weeks. of course i was stoked to go visit his home state and be part of some massive july 4th party. i've never really experienced it before being from canada.
anyway, i tell him i have to talk to J about it, just because i do. so i am telling him about it and of course i'm super excited, it's probably going to be the most time off i'll have this summer in one go. then he burst my bubble by reminding me that his birthday is during that time. so i can't go. fine. at leasts it's for a good reason.
today he sends me a text asking me if i have plans for that weekend and i replied that i didn't. i mean, i figured that we would be doing something for on his birthday weekend, having a bbq, going somewhere... i don't know. but i figured we'd do something. so i tell him i have plans with no one else and he writes me back to tell me that he's trying to get the day off so he can go camping for 3 days with his friends.

are you fucking serious?

so i text him back to say good for him kind of thing, not sarcastic, but if he wants to go, fine. then he asks me one mmore time if i have any plans for that weekend and i told him that i had been planning on going away with Sc but that it was his birthday weekend so i had cancelled. then of course he phones me to say that he won't go away with his friends and that we will do something. i'm at the point where i'm like, fuck, whatever. do want you want. i could really give a shit now if you leave me behind, obviously you have no regard for what i was doing anyway.
so i told him to go away with his friends that it was fine. he told me that i should go away with my friends then, but it's too late for me to request the time off and get a cheap flight. everything has gone up by $100's. i can't afford that. so anyway, it looks like i'll be staying here all by my lonesome that weekend smoking up and cursing the fact that i held myself back, again, for a guy.

such bullshit

i know when he comes over he's going to say he won't go and that it's okay, but it's going to be obvious he wants to go. i'm just pissed that he didn't even think that i had put off my one opportunity for a holiday.
i don't really know what the solution is to all of this. i just want him to go and do his thing. i don't even want him to stay here that weekend but on the other hand i'm pissed that i'm being left behind. what the fuck am i going to do that weekend then? maybe i'll go to vic or something. it's B's birthday that weekend too so maybe i can hook up with her. goddamn.

3:31 p.m. - 2009-06-18

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