♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I can't believe how long it's been since i've updated on this site. i don't know how i've coped without releasing a thing for everyone to read and judge me on. everything is always the same and always different in my life. i'm still debating my life with J. i love him so much and i think i would do anything for him, but i can't get it out of my head that i want to sleep with other people. i haven't. not since that one drunken half-consentual night with that guy who i never want to see again unless it is to punch him in the face. i have been faithful. unless faithful doesn't include waking up wet in the morning because you keep dreaming about your co worker. unless faithful doesn't include almost going home with a guy while on vacation on the other side of the country. unless faithful doesn't include wanting to be with every other man but him. he comes out and watches my softball games and cheers me on. even when i am playing poorly he still thinks i'm perfect. when i had a bad day at work he picked me up and had a container with ice and a drink in it to brighten my day. in one breath i'm asking B for advice and to talk me out of cheating and on the other hand i'm sending J messages telling him how much i love him. i still think i'm fucking martha stewart sewing piece of shit skirts that look cute but will fall apart in 3 washes. i still am poor despite that i make good money. i still drink when i'm alone and smoke weed to fall asleep. nothing has changed. i just want to confront A and tell him that i want to fuck him harder than anything i've ever experienced. i want him to tell me he has nothing for me so i can move on with my life. i just want to walk away from this temptation so i can save face with J. K has left for new zealand. she chased a kiwi and i think she's really enjoying it over there. i've hardly talked to her though. i think it's really expensive to be on the internet and for some reason i can never get through on her phone. it sucks. i miss her so much and i wish i could see her. if i go visit her i know i'm going to just break down crying and not know what to do with myself. now i have the beatles song in my head, all my lovin i will send to you, all my lovin, darlin i'll be true. close your eyes and i'll kiss you, tomorrow i'll miss you, remember i'll always to true, and while i'm away i'll wrote home everyday and i'll send i'll my lovin to you...
11:29 a.m. - 2009-06-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||