♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
some days i just miss him so much. it's all i can do to keep him arms length from the deepest reaches of my mind. he invades the most personal areas that i keep private, and he speaks true to all the issues i care about.
is he really there though? no. he is back home. i just wish he was here so much. i think about my family back home and i think about mark.
alas, it is mark. i try to convince myself that there is someone else in my life time and time again, but they are all just substitutes for him. i think about it and i just want to move back there. i just want to be with him, and all the happiness he brings me. and all the frustration. i embrace it all. every thought that ran through my mind because of him, every sentence he ever spoke to me. it all makes sense now, like steve was a conduit for it all.
do actions really speak louder than words? i'm beginning to think that is a load of shit. because all that actions taken upon me mean nothing. those words, random sentences mean more to me than anything, spoken by anyone, ever.
god, it just hurts so much. to think i had mark so close to me, and i lost him. i just let him go. like he was nothing to me... when he ment everything to me. when he is everything to me. i never though the word sould mate ment anything to me. it was like two seperate words, soul, and then mate. in the past week, the term soulmate means everything. it's like a goal i work towards, getting mark back.
mark.
mark.
i think about it as if i was 15 years old again. val and markis... markis and val. the who "we" factor.
does anyone know about the 'we' factor?? we do this and we like that? i never wanted to be one of those people. i strived to be one of those people who functioned independently of eachother and had their own mind. now i feel as if i function off of a mind 5000km away.
10:20 p.m. - 2006-03-24
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
previous - next
|
|
|
|
|
|
