♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
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So I'm completely confused in my new state of mind. Everything and nothing is making sense. While I'm more aware of money, I'm spending more of it. While I'm trying to get fit again, I'm eating more junk. While my boyfriends parents are splitting (even temporarily), I'm unable to console him.
Concepts and priorities are scewed though I am more aware of what is happening around me. More people are talking (and yes, they are real) and I think I can tell what they are feeling more, but I have a disconnect to their feelings.
J's dad is leaving for Chile for 3 months tomorow. As I said before, they had an intervention for her. I think she's been doing okay with it, but J's dad cannot take it anymore. He wants out and he's fleeing the country instead of dealing with what's happening.
I don't think it's fair for him to leave J to deal with his mom on his own. This isn't J's fault, though it isn't the dad's either. His dad suffers from severe depression and has his own shit to deal with. Again, not J'd fault.
J thinks that by talking to people about this though, he is burdening them. He doesn't want other people to know what is going on, and he says he is really private about it. I know this is selfish, but by not talking about it, he is only going to effect us. I can't have a closed lipped, private boyfriend, I need one that is open with me. To me, it appears that J thinks he is the only one going through this process. I want him to know that he isn't, and I don't know how to get him to recognize that. It's hard when you have no resources. I can't type for too long or religious M will get suspicious.
3:37 p.m. - 2008-11-03
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