♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you

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i can't get my mind off of him. i sound like i'm 15 years old all over again. but i can't help it. i have three people in my life right now. 2 great loves and a like. all day long i've been shivering from the thought of M's touch. he's strong hands are always in my mind and i remember their every touch.
i know in my mind and heart that A (my newish co-worker) is just a phase, that we actually have no common interests or thoughts. everyday that becomes more clear to me. oddly though, it make me more attracted to him. the mere thought of being with someone so opposite to me, and he looks like he would just make you scream in bed. sorry to be so visual. but i am feeling pretty hot here. on top of that, he's my co-worker, so how can i not imagine hot sex in the copy room?

lately though, i just think about M. I replay conversations through my head, and rekindle memories past. i think of when someone stole his bike and gave it back, i think of when he broke it off with the older woman. when he discovered that his blood test came back negative and what a relief that was to him. i also remember looking in his eyes.

so apropo, J just phoned me while imagine M and I. or was it A and I? it's bad, i know. but that's why some god out there gave us imaginations. to use them and utilize them in creative ways.

i know i should be writing about thursday's appt, but i am procrastinating for as long as i can. the thoughts, self loathing, craving my own self destruction are all on the cusp of my lips, but they don't want to come out. perhaps i'll write about it later. doubtful though.

5:16 p.m. - 2008-09-23

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