♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you

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a message to shannon

this is a message i was writing to my cousin before i thought i would make it my entry for today...

okay, let me start this rant with a long scream...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

much better.

so dear jeffrey and i were talking about Poland. for awhile it seemed like he was not going to be able to go until next year because the exam he had to write to get in was booked for this year unless he wanted to fly to frankfurt to write it. so here was me blissfully happy that i had the opportunity to spend another year with him.
a couple nights ago he started telling me that he still might leave in september because there is another exam he can write but he would have to tack on an extra year in poland to get his MD.
he writes the exam in June to see if he can get in, but that means he is potentially leaving in 5 months!
5 months Shannon! i am having a really hard time with this since i thought he was going to have a year and 5 months.

then to top it off my mom started telling me what a great person i've become since i started to date jeff and how much happier and care free i am around him. i bursted out in to tears in the middle of a restaurant because it rang so true and i realized i am close to losing him.

i'm so screwed up shannon. it's one of those duplixidous times where i feel like he has to go but i can't bare to see him leave. this is so hard because it's a time where i would love to explore living on the east coast and having a fresh start and new friends and a new career. but jeff has become this integral part of my life i can't imagine living without. not quite the same with you and nik because you live together, but i see jeff almost every day, he has seen me at my best and worst.

this is so hard because it's the first time i've realized what true love is.

12:04 a.m. - 2008-03-28

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