♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
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upside down again
alright, remember last night i said that i had to rant for a couple minutes because my head was filled with too many ideas? well, it has changed, i no longer have all these ideas on my head except one.
J.
Tonight we were lying on the bed and i had to ask him one very stupid question. i asked him what he thought of us when he thought about his future. let me go back to the beginning though. J said he wanted to go to medical school in poland starting in january 2009 then he realized he couldn't start in jan 09 so he wanted to start in september of this year. when he was going to sign up to write his MCAT all of north america was already filled and he would have to go to frankfurt. this was the last that i heard. i was told that he was going to have to wait until september 2009 to get in to this school.
WELL... it turns out that this university offers baby steps too. isn't that nice? so he can still go to school in poland in september and he would have to go for an extra year or so, but it would make up for having to write his MCAT. this was something that he never told me before.
of course the tears start flowing and i asked him why he never told me of this alternitive way to get in and his response was he didn't find out long ago and he didn't know how to tell me.
excuse me? didn't know how to tell me?
i thought i had an extra year with him and it turns out that he might be leaving in 5 months.
5 fucking months. i don't know even know how to cope with this because here is me last night posting about how i want to live with him. i'm so naive to think this. it's not that i don't believe he doesn't want to be with me, but how could i expect that he was going to stay here?
i love him so much, and i fantisize of our future together. i know he does too. but how can we spend four years apart? fuck, i cna't wright about this anymore. i'm going to start with the tears again and i don't think i can really take that right now.
11:17 p.m. - 2008-03-22
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