♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20 minutes in my life. I remember when I was a kid, visiting Peggy's Cove, sitting on the rocks just comtemplating the cards I was dealt for my life. After only minutes after my thoughts started, I was interrupted by my mom saying it was time for us to go. I was so upset because I had only sat down five minutes ago and was astonished to think that what appeared to be 20 minutes in my mind was 2 hours in reality. Can you imagine having 2 hours to lose yourself today? If you can, how many opiates are you on? And where do I find some? If your not on opiates then you clearly have too much money. If this is the reason, could you please spare some of your money for my tuition? I do not have 20 minutes to spare let alone 2 full hours. Every day I work 9 hours plus travel time. Then trying to have some sort of life with Kim along with J pulling in second while reminding myself to phone my mom and be a nicer daughter. Grocery shopping and attempting to cook a quick meal time between events like volleyball and studying? I know a lot of these sound trivial once mortgages and children come along with bills and emergency issues, but I'm still young, a mere 21. I have also been blessed with other small issues such as a best friend suffering from unstable thoughts and an unwell family, my mom going into remission only last week after being cured from a deadly disease, my dad proposing to his girlfriend of three years while i'm living in the dark basement (it is really not as bad as it sounds, i've endearly named it 'the hole' and i have it to myself almost). Past events such as molestation and a past fling inviting me to his xmas party. where in there do i find 2 hours to spend to myself? well i have figured it out. you go to nova scotia. so, that's what i am doing. i am going east for both xmas and new years, and coming back shortly after that (unless i part from my work and kim and move back east for awhile), i will return to the west for work. i am so excited, i will see my family for the first time in over 3 years. i'm sure i will hardly recognize some of them... others, they will look the exact same. i will hopefully see tony for a day and catch up with him. i will also see one other person. he mystifies me everyday, he voice echos in my head. *side note: i think i am losing my mind* he just logged into MSN. *side note: i still hear the voices... (anyone else thinking "i see dead people"?) his words always remind me of his relaxed and care free style. his honesty no matter how hard it is to hear, and his ability to say anything he feels at any moment. his ability to articulate exactly how i am feeling or intuitively analyze me. some days i feel it would be easier to commit myself than express this in words... then i think, what about j? i really like him, in fact, i think that unless i really screw up (which i think i can do) we could actually be together for a little while. the possibility of me not screwing up though are very slim. i don't think i am letting him in enough, other days i think i latch on too much. it's like i am bipolar. i just think i should run while i still can. there is a small portion that makes me hold on though. what i find interesting is i don't know what it is. then again, i don't know what is keeping me from running either. curiousity? appeal? distrust? honesty? intergrity? encouragement? motivation? my 20 minutes are up. 10:38 p.m. - 2006-11-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||