♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you

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Things that i've been in my life that i've been proud of and things i have done that i hate myself for.
a great friend
a great lover
a graffiti artist
an artist
a liar
a slacker
a hard worker
committed
apprehensive and ran
a musician
a recovering anorexic/bulemic
i'm listening to an atmosphere song right now- coming back home to you. and it always hits a note inside of me. it makes me feel like i've accomplished so much and at the same time, that i've gone through so little.
being a great friend, lover, liar and others on the list such as hard worker and slacker come with everyones life. everyone has committed and everyone has ran from something that had the potential to be great.
not everyone has fought anorexia, and not everyone can play the piano at the level that i can. i sat down last night and belted out some enya on the keys, and i almost had tears in my eyes. i remember the days of running after i painted a wall, or a train, then going back to someone's house, smoking weed and listening to underground hip hop.
the sheer number of emotions flowing through me right now are amazing. it makes me realize how many stories i have, and it makes me think of how i've gone through so little that i want to jump from the lions gate.
i only wish i was a more talented writer, having the ability to convey what i'm actually feeling.
does it ever stop? i know i'm at the age where i should be pondering all these questions, asking myself why i'm here, and why i've experienced what i have. what i want to know though, is, does it ever end? or are we destined to question everything we've done for our entire lives? i can't imagine thinking about how i was a graffiti artist when i'm 60 with grandchildren. or telling my 16 year old daughter that i fought anorexia when i was 16-20, and that i bones were beautiful. do we ever just accept what we did, and that was who we were, then leave it at that?
i'm sure it will pass. i hope it will pass.

10:01 p.m. - 2006-02-06

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