♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
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how do you intervine with someone who thinks interventions are humorous? that's the main problem that i'm having with robbie right now. he phones me tonight and tells me that him and some friends are showing up at the pub tonight and to tell the bouncers, so i can get him past the line up. i was working already so i didn't get the message. anyway, he never showed up, so once i was off of work and i recieved the message, i realized that i didn't see him and i phone his friend graham. graham informs me that they've been doing coke and e all night so they didn't come but they would most likely come tomorrow.
i want to say something so bad. i want to voice my concerns. to rob. to graham. to tyler and brent. all of his friends that i've known for years. but they see something humorous in interventions. they don't believe they're addicts.
i just want to scream so many things right now! i want to admit that i was molested by a cab driver! i want to admit that my school is above my level! i want to scream that i'm afraid for robs life! but everytime i'm so close to screaming, or everytime i try, it comes out silent. it's an admission/ confession that no one can here or accept.
i like to think of myself as strong. i like to think that everytime i make my way through one of these events i come out stronger. that one more person admires me for it. but i don't think that is the case. i think i'm viewed as weak, and it's demeaning. i don't want to cave under the pressure, but sometimes i think it would just be so much easier if i just put my head down to rest and accepted it all as okay even though it is not. it's not okay.
it's not okay. but what do i do about it?
3:18 a.m. - 2005-10-08
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