♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you

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bordom becomes me

at school again.
not the interesting i know.
however this is interesting... i yelled at ben! okay, so it wasn't yelling, but it was as close to yelling as i ever get. i told him that i never wanted to be with him again, and that i was dissapointed in him as a person and dissapointed in him as a friend to tara and myself. then i made fun of him for his new/ex girlfriend. it would have been absolutely perfect, except for at the end when i made fun of him for getting dumped by his new girlfriend i started to laugh at the entire situation. but i felt so good for doing it. i think in a sense it made me accept what some of my feelings are. it was validity of my feelings.
i met up with celina in the caf this morning, and then now i'm here. i did some laundry at my dads house, and i've eaten like shit all day. so much for crash diet. i don't think i am ment for dieting. i crave some form of sweets. ie this morning. i had a craving for gingerale like no other, then i craved muchies mix, so of course i grabed a baggie of them for at school after i ate two of helgas cookies. tonight won't be much better i don't think. or last night while i was on my break from class i was talking to jon, and i ended up getting an aero bar. not something that i needed.
next thursday night, celina, shauni and i are going to have a girls night where we drink wine and watch movies. none of us have work on friday, and none of us have school on friday. i don't really know either of them well, but they both think that i am a cutie, so they want me along. i don't know if that is a good way to look at it, the think is though is they don't use me for anything, well i know celina doesn't, she is just a person who is always there. so maybe i should go, because you never know, maybe they will end up being friends, you never know until you try, right?
i don't want to go to class tonight, i just want to go home, switch my laundry over and lay in bed. maybe just listen to the garden state soundtrack (i'm in love, everyone should listen to it), and daydream about falling in love with a guy who actually would love me.
that reminds me, i never said what ben had to say back to it all. he defended himself with what i said with tara, about him being a disappointing friend. and then he said we us we had some good aspects to our relationship (bullshit! he's acting... once again. he didn't appreciate our relationship at all) but no matter how much we tried to work at it, there were some things that would never have worked. then he just started to talk to me casually as if i never said anything, i just wanted to shout for him to shut up. but of course i can't do that. i mean online is the meanest i really am. i get into little tiffs, with my family and such, and people know that, they've seen me pretty upset, but i've never gone out of my way to be mean to someone. i don't know if that felt really great, or really bad.
this is turning out to be a really long entry. oh well, letting off steam.
kim and i are going to go out on saturday night, i've have to see if she switched her sunday shift. i don't work sunday, and neither does she, so we were going to hit it pretty hard. maybe blarney, maybe the cellar... who really knows, i know those are some of my favs, but maybe even caprice of something like that.
anyway, i'm going to hit the books and actually study. i have class in two hours.

1:22 p.m. - 2005-01-13

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