♥ ♥ ♥ Sometimes I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
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crystal is gone... goodbye happiness, hello lonliness...
so i have decided now that i have to crash diet before hawaii... tonight kim and i had 3 appetizers, 2 entres, and 2 deserts at the keg. quite disgusting if you ask me.
men are horrible creatures. everytime i do something remotely sexy, or something i'm proud of, i still think of ben, and if he'd also be proud of me, or whether he'd think i'm sexy.
dreadful men.
today i drove crystal back to seattle so she could catch her flight back to slc. i'm going to miss her terribly, but at the same time i'm happy to be rid of her opinions of me and other things. she's become so damned opionated that it drove me mental, but then at other times i was just so happy to have her here.
tonight i went to the coffee shop (no ben) and i worked on my bio for an hour or so. i start school tomorrow, but i wanted just a little heads up. the study guide it so brutal! i'm never going to do well. parking is also going to be a bitch. there is never any parking and i end up parking miles away and hiking a fair bit... but i guess that will help my crash diet.
**to anyone who doesn't know me... my crash diet will last 10 hours, and i'll give in my eating cookies or having a milkshake... followed by a succulent meal**
i think i have created a deep hole for myself to get out of... or i've backed myself into a corner... i want to move back to nova scotia desperately, and i've already began to tell people that i have plans/hopes/dreams to move. now if i don't move, and i either chicken out, or i can't afford it... then i'm going to seem like an idiot. i guess if i can't afford it some people will understand. others will just think i'm a liar and never planned on going in the first place. i want to go soo bad. i want to visit tony, and markis, and have incredible sex with mark all day... smoke some awesome b.c. ganga, and be generally happy. i want to be happy so bad now. i long for that feeling that is in your stomach and you don't have the urge to cry or crawl into the fetal position. i last time i was truly happy was when i was with ben and that was over a month ago... before that. last time i was in nova scotia i guess.
anyway, i'm so tired, i feel like i may fall onto the keyboard.
1:07 a.m. - 2005-01-10
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